New Life Perspective

If you follow me on Facebook or on Twitter, you are aware of the craziness of my life over the last 13 months. For those of you who don't know or don't know everything that has happened, here is a brief summary:

• My parents home burnt down losing almost everything they own. (May 2016)
• My wife had a heart attack caused by a birth defect we never knew existed. (July 2016)
• I broke my hand, requiring surgery and keeping me out of work for 4 weeks. (April 2017)
• My wife had gallbladder surgery. (June 2017)
• We got home Memorial Day to discover structural damage to our home which after 2 months of investigating by engineers hired by the insurance company says that it was caused by ground shifting which damaged the foundation as well is responsible for all the structural damage. Unfortunately they told us this past Wednesday that its not covered due to a specific exclusion in our homeowners contract that excludes damage due to the shifting or movement in the ground. We have been told just to fix the shifting and foundation we are looking at $30,000 to $50,000. We presently are still looking for a solutions to this situation. (May 2017 - Present Day)

You can imagine the toll this all has taken not only physically, but mentally, and emotionally. I'm not going to lie, this has been the hardest time of my life. I will confess I haven't been as put together as I have appeared to be if you have seen me. I have been very depressed lately. I have had a hard time focusing on even the little things. Its kept me from enjoying reading books, enjoying TV shows that I normally would love, and definitely has kept me from writing. I have tried to be confident and up beat for my wife and my girls through all of this cause I know its been tough on them too. I didn't want to cause them more concern by seeing me down, upset, depressed, etc. After all, as a husband and father, I felt like I had failed them by not having a safe place for them to live and having our lives so flipped upside down.

Now I haven't told you all of this to be all "whoa is me" and to garner sympathy from anyone. I don't want a pat on the back for making it through all of this. I'm sharing this as a precursor for what I will say next.

I hit my lowest point this past Wednesday after getting the news from the insurance company. My wife called me at work and told me the news. You can talk to anyone I work with. They will tell you my demeanor completely changed after that call. I was already close to a breaking point because of everything and that call was it. I really didn't talk to anyone the rest of the day (outside of letting them know what happened). I just sat at my desk, earphones pumping the soothing sounds of John Williams, and worked. Or at least, I tried to work. I admit I probably didn't accomplish much after that. All I really wanted to do was to go home and go to bed and hopefully wake up to it all being a bad dream. 

But I couldn't. 

Being it was Wednesday, my oldest daughter wanted to go to church for her Girls Ministries group and it was my responsibility to take her. With the mood and state of mind I was in, church was the last place I wanted to be. I sat there for the service depressed. Not knowing what to do.  What I got from the message was nothing about God's plans for those who follow Him as well as for those who don't. The youth pastor stopped me on my way out and asked me about the house and I nearly lost it as I explained to him what was going on. He was shocked to hear the news and he prayed with me for guidance and peace. I thanked him, picked up my daughter and went back home and went to bed. I woke up the next morning to find an unexpected text message on my phone from a friend from work. It said he had spent a half hour praying for me and my family. He reminded me that even when we can't see it, God plans are bigger and better than anything I could have imagined and His ways are perfect. In the message he said there were 3 songs he constantly listened to that helped him through a recent rough time. They were: Even If by MercyMe, I Have This Hope by Tenth Avenue North, and Stars by Skillet. He wrapped the message up with offering a ear whenever I needed it. I thanked him for the message and got ready for work. Somehow I ended up being ready to leave 10 minutes before I had too so I sat down and pulled up all three songs on YouTube. 

By the end of the third song it hit me: I was letting the situations of my life dictate my attitude toward my life. I was letting things that are so far out of my control to affect my daily interactions with coworkers, friends and more importantly my family. I was letting all the things that have gone wrong over the last 13 months bring me down and take away my joy.  I came to realize my reactions to life, the good and the bad, are the only thing I can control. So I took control. I'm not going to let my circumstances dictate my attitude. Life is too short to allow that to happen.

So with that said, look for a renewed series of blogs coming out soon here and my blog for Coffee With Kenobi starting back up soon. With the change in my attitude, I feel I can write again. I want to write again. So here we go.

Until next time,

Live Long and Prosper,

May The Force Be With You,

and may God richly bless you in every way.